So the internet has been exploding with news, leaks, theories, etc. about the latest iPhone, the 7. But here at Omega Magazine, we’ve decided to do a different kind of article about iPhones. The one involving the conspiracy, that you just may have not noticed. 

It seems to me that an abnormal amount of iPhone 6’s have been… mysteriously breaking. Of course, that’s just what the crime lord Apple would have you believe. I mean, can it just be a coincidence that so many of the last model are breaking right before the new one comes out?

And besides that, this has already happened before. In the past, a new iPhone has been released every 13 months. It seems that most of the time, the previous iPhone models tend to break at about 12 months. You know, a month before the next model comes out… it’s almost as if they’re trying to make sure that you buy the next model every time that it comes out. And of course, what better way to make sure that that happens than to make sure that your current iPhone mysteriously… breaks?

Oh sure, you might say “come on, Kevin, that’s just some stupid conspiracy theory. I thought you were intelligent! How could you possibly buy into that?” And sure, I guess you would win that argument. If only Apple hadn’t practically admitted to doing that.

Apple reccomends that you update your device to the latest iOS as soon as possible. All these updates seem to optimize the capabilities of the latest iPhone, or other Apple product. But if they’re meant to work to the strengths of the new models, how does it affect the older models?

To be honest, it makes them slower. A whole lot slower. So, if you’ve been updating all the time like Apple reccommends, more than likely, you’re phone is so slow that you’re just about ready to throw it against the wall, kick it around, then stomp on it. I’m definitely not speaking from personal experience… (Actually, I’m not. It’s just that a friend of mine used to do that all the time. Personally, I have a Samsung Galaxy S7 Edge by choice)

But now down to the REAL science, and it’s rather quick and easy to understand. A lithium-ion battery can only realistically last about 18 months before lasting a minimum of 25% less. However, iPhone batteries are not well manufactured, and they can only last about- get this- a year before that happens. 

So in conclusion, it seems to me that Apple is trying to slowly but surely break your current iPhone to make sure that you buy the next product. It’s a widely supported theory, and this is my evidence to back it up. Just remember the usual rules to opinion articles:

It’s an opinion. There’s no need to hate, so don’t just go into the comments and hate. Take it as someone’s opinion which they have a right to and just go ahead and put what you think in the comments below.